There is an excellent reason why budget airlines carriers are budget and it’s not the uncomfortable seats with their vinyl upholstery. Not the expensive food and beverage service, the whopping amount charged for checked luggage or even the hideous uniforms worn by their crew. It’s actually their lousy record of getting their passengers to their destination.
Now if you boarded a flight in Weeze, on the Dutch border near Dusseldorf and your detsination was Pisa - the one with tower that’s falling over, where would you suppose your flight would take you.
I’m actually stuck I a traffic jam on a freeway somewhere between Rome and Pisa.
It’s now 7.30pm local time and we were supposed to arrive at our destination - Pisa - at 11.30 this morning.
What on earth, you must be asking, am I doing on a bus on a freeway somewhere out of Rome?
Not to name names, but let’s say it’s Bryan Air’s fault.
After the world’s fastest check in at Dusseldorf’s Weeze airport - an absolute fallacy on Ryan Air’s behalf as Weeze is actually closer to the Dutch border than it is to German’s Dusseldorf on the Rhein - and an encounter with the nicest English-speaking German to date at security we were through at the gate.
Two hours early, our best effort yet, a coffee and a croissant in hand, nothing could go wrong.
Boarding the flight scheduled for a 9.30am departure, Sam and I remarked that for an airline with such a bad reputation we had encountered nothing but nicety.
On board, we laughed at the cartoon figures on the emergency instructions card and wondered why anyone would colour an animated character with a green shirt, blue pants and yellow shoes.
Apart from a small child who kicked my seat the entire flight, it was a pleasant enough journey. Even cute at one point as the small boy across the aisle from us began to scream excitedly as the plane took off. It was his first time in a plane his father told us and it was more funny than annoying.
I suppose it was the turbulence as we approached Pisa airspace than should have warned us of what was to come. A few wobbles followed by a sudden drop and I swear there was a few inches of air between my bottom and the seat before gravity caught up with the motion of the plane.
Small children screamed and some adults even and while Sam and I remarked it was the worst we had ever felt we were still confident of a safe landing.
I could see dark clouds outside my window and shortly after the pilot announced we would circle Pisa for about 10 minutes while we waited for a storm to clear.
Ten minutes later and the clouds had begun to move on. Wrong. We had begun to move on. The pilot announced we were being diverted to Rome as the storm at Pisa looked to hang around for some hours.
Rome, probably another 40 minutes flight south and about four hours drive from where we wanted to be.
But what could you do? Sam and I weren’t terribly worried. An hour or so at Rome and then we’d be back in the air, back to Pisa with still some time in the afternoon to see the sights and check in to our pre-booked hostel.
On the tarmac at Rome, it become clear that a) people are stupid and don’t listen to announcements as poor passing flight crew were constantly barraged with questions about where we were and what we were doing and b) that as far as Ryan Air, oops, I mean Bryan Air, was concerned, a plane on the tarmac was not a plane making money.
Another announcement from the flight attendant, the pilot had obviously already choofed off, informed us that we could pick up our baggage at carousel four and that we would received further instructions. Buses were to take us to Pisa.
No worries, we’d get there a fair bit later than anticipated, but at least we would get there.
Off the plane and we found the carousel easily enough. A tedious 10-minute wait for our luggage to start the rounds of the terminal and we were out through customs and into the arrival hall.
Yep, in the arrival hall. Yep, all here. Waiting for instructions. Hello? Anybody?
Now as anybody knows, every mob needs a leader and no one apart from taxi drivers and shuttle bus drivers looking for business seemed the least bit interested in one hundred-odd lost people looking around frantically for someone to tell them what to do.
Sheep without a shepherd get lost and that was almost certainly what was going to happen very soon.
But what’s this? A lone warrior in a pink shirt and spiky hair decides he knows the way because he heard from someone - something. And when in Rome, do as the mob do. One hundred people started following this man in the pink shirt, not knowing where we were going. And so it seemed, neither did the man. After a long walk down the outside of the arrivals hall, into a car park and then next to a bus station, it almost seemed promising. Ryan Air had promised us a bus and there were buses here aplenty. But none knew anything about a group of stranded passengers bound for Pisa.
The mob was getting restless, our fearless leader was really a sheep in wolf’s clothing and had no idea what he was doing.
About a quarter of the group broke away, heading across the road to another bus terminal, but they too seemed lost for a leader and bound for nowhere.
The mob divided and patience was wearing thin in the 30-degree Roman heat. Many sought food and drink.
Stupidly, Sam and I did not, our faith in Ryan Air delivering on their promise of a bus showing we could be just as silly as the people who clapped when the plane landed. Yes, seriously. It was the second time on the trip that has happened. Hello people - do you not realise we aren’t even where we want to be?
Frustrated, hungry, tired but still not too worried, it was after about an hour and a half or waiting for some guidance that another man, a very tall man with legs up to my neck, approached the mobs and told them there were three buses waiting across the way.
Relieved, the mobs rejoined and found the said buses indeed waiting to take us to Pisa. Luggage stowed underneath and on board and minutes passed. While we could have been on our way, the drivers and passengers hung lazily around the doors of each bus, smoking and exchanging pleasantries.
Seriously, we have been diverted to a city 400km away, we are now three hours behind our scheduled arrival time in Pisa and you all want to get cancer for another 15 minutes.
I was turning into the cranky bus monster ready to shove those cigarettes down their throats until they choked.
It was after 3pm before the bus finally got under way. With four hours to drive I told Sam it was unlikely we wouldn’t stop at least once. In Europe bus drivers, and probably truckies as well, have to stop every two hours for a break.
And like I was the narrator in some wicked fairy tale, an hour and a half in, we stopped.
Pringles and Coke Zero wasn’t exactly how I was hoping to begin our Italian leg of Europe but OK. Whatever.
Back on the bus and we must have only got 10 minutes down the road and we stopped. Not at a service station or red light but bumper to bumper with traffic. A jam extended as far as the eye could see, like a sewer cutting through the Italian countryside.
As the Italians do, any occasion is a social occasion and soon people were out of their vehicles and chatting on the roadside, squatting behind trees and pissing off the roadway.
Forty-five minutes later and movement up ahead saw people scurrying to their vehicles.
Two minutes later and we were stopped again. There was no apparent cause for the hold up, no flashing lights in the distance of emergency vehicles and none had come screaming down the freeway on the other side of the road which was passing us like marathon runners in a park on a Sunday afternoon.
Stopped with no phone to call our hostel, no internet connection, somewhere between Rome and Pisa.
It was 7pm before we got under way.
We were still hours from our destination and we had no idea whether our hostel would hold our booking given we hadn’t been able to call or email. We had told them we would be there at 2pm.
But it wasn’t over yet. Because we had been stuck in the traffic jam for so long, another stop was in order for the drivers so another service station beckoned. It was actually from here that Sam and I saw our first really nice sunset since we have been here, actually being almost clear skies where we were and so close to the ocean. Pity the view wasn’t so romantic from a bus we had now been on for four hours.
Finally, at 10pm, we arrived in Pisa at the airport. Having no idea whether our reservation had been given away we thought it best to call before we got a taxi to our hostel.
We rang once from a payphone and got a voicemail message in Italian. So helpful. Deciding it was a lost cause we found an information desk and got some numbers of nearby hotels. Back to the payphone to ring the first one on the list that sounded cheap and decided to give our hostel another go, given the number on the new list was different to the one we called.
Voila! An answer and the guy spoke English, an ex-pat from somewhere. Yes, they had given our room away and had been trying to call us all afternoon. What number had we given them? Ooops, Anne-Marie’s thinking they would never need to call it.
So anyway, they had given our room away but, lucky for us, another couple hadn’t showed either so we got the last double room with ensuite.
Given that we hadn’t seen any of Pisa and were intended to head for Florence the next day, as we did have accommodation bookings there as well, we decided we really wanted to spend time in this city so we asked if we could also stay another night. Our luck had finally changed. Yes they had another night for 45 euro. A quick signature on the line, a photocopied passport and we were given our key. Top floor. Of course it was, it had been mere days since we had climbed four flights of stairs.
Now this place is one star and we had no idea what to expect. It is a new listing on Hostel Bookers and didn’t have any reviews bar one good one.
We opened the door and it was nice, simple but with a tv, double bed, wardrobe and then, the bathroom. Wow! For a one star bathroom, it was near nicer than ours at home and with a bidet! And, more excitedly, hot water!!!! Yes, hot water and towels and it was ours, all ours!
I have never been so excited by a hostel. It even came with free wifi. So in the morning we are off to see the sights, we’ll get some net access and we’ll hopefully update our blog.
- Alysia (August 5)
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